My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
