i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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