drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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