Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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