The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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