heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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