I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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