Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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