Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
