if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
