You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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