She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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