I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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