Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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