i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
