I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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