dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
