she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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