It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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