So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
