i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
