for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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