OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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