Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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