i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize