That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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