: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
