my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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