she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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