whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
