Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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