your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
