I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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