Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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