i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
