I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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