dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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