There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
