i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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