He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
