Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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