I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
