Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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