i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
