my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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