Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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