Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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