Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
