community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
