I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize