if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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