On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
