; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
