You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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