btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
