So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
