My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
