glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.