Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong