I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it glows. i had to have it.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.