Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick