the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.