Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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