and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up under a house in Key West
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