Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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