My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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