I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
