Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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