And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
