Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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