just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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