Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
