Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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