Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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