if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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